My daughter died of a drug overdose

KARKAUAI · Post by **KARKAUAI** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:09 am

KRISTY
September 27, 1974 to September 29, 2005

She came into our lives a bundle of energy, joy and wonder. For the next 15 years we lived in awe of her ability to soak up everything around her. She was extremely bright, inquisitive, creative, and talented. Kristy saw everything around her as magical, and took special delight in make-believe. She entertained us daily with drawings and puppet shows and dances and plays. She was so very proud of her little brother Eric; she played with him every day and made us all laugh. Everything seemed easy for Kristy. She made nearly perfect grades, taught herself to draw and paint and play the guitar, had the voice of an angel, and was the “leader of the pack” among her friends all the way through grammar school and early junior high. When she walked into a room it lit up, and she immediately became a center of attention. She was loving and kind with everyone she met.

Something we’re not meant to understand happened when she was about 15 years old, and for the rest of her life we’ve lived in fear of what would happen tomorrow, agonized over what we might have done differently, dealt with crises on a monthly basis, and tried to go on with our lives as best we could. A few years ago we finally quit blaming ourselves and accepted that we would probably never know “WHY”, but we kept on loving her and trying our best to help her. In spite of the disaster her life seemed to be, she continued to wear that beautiful smile, to bubble with enthusiasm for everything, and to make us smile and laugh with her. We can’t remember a handful of times that she seemed sad in her whole life. When we’d try to talk to her about what was “wrong”, it was like we were speaking a foreign language to her. And when she’d try to explain that she was happy and that nothing seemed wrong to her, we couldn’t understand either. Although we still hugged her tightly and loved her so much, we held her a little at arm’s length, out of self-preservation, always hopeful but somehow knowing this day would come. We know that her death was an accident, she wasn’t suicidal. We’re sure that when she realized what had happened, she was as shocked as anyone. She just didn’t believe it could happen to her.

After several brushes with death we often told her that we thought God was keeping her alive for some reason, but that it wouldn’t last forever. We now think that maybe her husband Tommy was that reason. They loved each other completely. She brought a joy into his life that he’d never experienced, and showed him that the world was a wondrous place. He will have a hard time picking up the pieces of his life, but he has her example to follow in seeing the best in everyone and finding joy in little things. We pray that he will be able to find happiness and peace.

Thank God that Eric is doing so well now. We’re not worrying about him at all any more. I don’t know how we could manage if he was still a mess. We will all be OK after an appropriate period of grieving. We know you are there if we need you, rest assured that we will call on you when we do. We know that it is our responsibility to go on finding joy in our lives, and we intend to do just that.

Kristy gave us two gifts in her death, and they will change our lives:

We will no longer be living in fear of a phone call in the middle of the night. Although we will miss her so very much, the phone call has already come.

Sometimes people say or do things that hurt the ones they love. If we don’t understand what they’re feeling, we may let the hurt we feel cause us to hold them at arms length. Don’t let the fact that you don't understand get between you. Just know that loving each other is what’s important. Don’t waste precious time.

Thank You, Kristy, for being a part of our lives. We love you so.
Mom, Eric, and Dad

Thank you all for being a part of my life, too.
Kent

Arno photo · Post by **Arno photo** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:25 pm

There's no word that can bring back your daugther, i only want to say you "courage, life goes on". It's happen to me when i was young i've lost a menber of my nearest family so i can understand what you are thinking. Don't forget her. Just remeber the good moments.
Sincerily,
Arnaud.

mtpocket · Post by **mtpocket** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:46 pm

Kent,

As a father of two beautiful daughters, your loss has touched me in a way I cannot describe. To lose a child has to be one of the hardest things anyone could ever be faced with. Trust in your faith. We will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Glen Smith · Post by **Glen Smith** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:41 pm

I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Bud · Post by **Bud** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:03 pm

What a beautiful eulogy. I can feel the love and hardship your family shared. I grieve at your side.
Bud

Post by **Patricks Dad** » Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:29 pm

Kent, Very sorry for your loss. I'm sure I can't comprehend the depth of your loss. It's inconceivable to me. I just woke my kids up to give them each a hug. Take care.

Dean in Eureka, CA · Post by **Dean in Eureka, CA** » Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:41 am

Kent,
I'm so sorry to hear this news.
I'm a fortunate soul to have never caused the loved ones around me to experience this.
Give me a call anytime you want, my phone number is in your PM section.

Juneaudave · Post by **Juneaudave** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 9:00 pm

Oh my...I just got around to reading your post...What a beautiful remembrance. I hope you have shared with all those who feel they know you, and your family, from our long discussions and common interests. Please feel free to call or email anytime. I almost lost my 18 year old daughter this spring...the fear of late night calls, the wondering if they are safe, the momentary escape you can get from get from working with your hands are all a part of the path you have traveled. I'm hopeful you will be able to pick up the pieces and remember the wonderful treasures she brought to your life...Juneaudave

pawistik · Post by **pawistik** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:36 am

Thank you for sharing your grief with us. I only hope that the strength it took for you to share that and write the above message has allowed you to deal with this experience in a positive matter. I hope you can find solace in your family and in your pastimes.
Bryan

KARKAUAI · Post by **KARKAUAI** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:54 pm

Thank you all for you support and empathy. I know she's gone, but I don't think I've really grasped the reality that I won't ever see her again. I'm down to having a good cry about every other day...a vast improvement over the every two hour sessions I had for the first week. It's through keeping busy and feeling the pain, anger, guilt, disbelief, and sorrow that we will get through the grieving process. The display of support from friends and family, especially at the memorial service was overwhelming. I never imagined that there were that many people who cared about us. Now I hear the kind words of you all, whom I've never met. I have a much different perspective on friendship and community that will change my life forever.
Malama maika'i loa lawe, ko'u hoaloha. (Take very good care, my friends.)

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Thu Nov 03, 2005 11:01 am

Kent,
Many kind words have been written, and at a time like this there is a real sense of family on this site. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sincere regards,
Richard

canoeblderinmt · Post by **canoeblderinmt** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:22 am

Kent,
This has surely been a hell of a year for you. First the loss of your beautiful outrigger, and then the loss of your daughter! I just came upon this posting: I usually only go to the builders forum. I am so sorry for your loss(es). I have not been blessed with chldren of my own, and cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I hope God's peace and strength are with you. May you find comfort in His Love.

Greg